In the process of deciding to finally take charge of my finances, I have been paying close attention to how my money is distributed. I realize that my 16DS is sponging alot of cash out of me. This kid is the kind of kid that until about 6 mos ago.....never asked for anything. I would have to drag him kicking and screaming 2 times a year to get new sneakers. His school clothes shopping happens in about 1 hr at 2 stores....a few outfits...he is set. He only occasionally asked for money to go to a movie or something with friends. BUT then the girlfriend came along. Now he wants to go out to movies, dinner, coffee etc...always needs money. I have always just handed him cash every now and then. We have never had a formal allowance situation. He has earned money on and off by mowing for neighbors, doing odd jobs etc. I'm sure that many of you would say...get that kid a job! He has been asking since he was 14 for permission for a part time job. We have always said no. Both my DH and I started working at age 14 and felt like we missed out on alot of stuff in HS because we worked so much. Also DS has slight learning disabilities that go something like this.....when he starts something new (hobby, girlfriend, job)...he hyper focuses on that and everything else falls by the wayside. So we know when he starts working and earning money....he will lose his focus on his grades. He is currently in all honors classes and next year he will be in Advanced Placement and Honors classes which position him better for college acceptance which is his goal. He maintains mostly A's a few B's. He is also in the marching band and Boy Scouts. He is only a few months away from attaining the rank of Eagle Scout which is the ultimate goal in Scouting. The last few months are very time intensive. So there are 5 more weeks of school. We think if he gets a summer job...the novelty will wear off by the time school starts and he will focus on his studies in addition to still working a few hours a week. There is currently a 0% unemployment rate in our town so he can get a job with no problem.
In the mean time I have read a book titled "Capitate your Kids". It is about teaching kids financial responsibility and it says to give your kids a flat amount of allowance once a month and tell them what it covers and dont give them any more for the rest of the month and they have to learn to budget etc. I'm considering doing that because at least the leaking in my budget will stop and there will be no negotiations or guilt. I have to get this figured out and working soon because I also have a 13DD that will be starting with the wants and needs soon!
My money is leaking out
April 16th, 2006 at 07:44 pm
April 16th, 2006 at 08:44 pm 1145220265
They could go on bike rides or do inline skating together, take walks, go for a hike, go watch the sunset with a big thermos of flavored coffee or hot chocolate. You could offer to pay for one "regular date" for every two frugal dates. Search for offers on coupons off movies or gift certificates, two for one dinner coupons, suggest an earlier dinner out at 4 when you can often still order off the less expensive lunch menu. Have him brief his girlfriend on this ahead of time, saying simply "We don't waste money in my family, don't let this embarrass you." If she knows it is coming, she can be ready for whatever doom she may think is coming with a 2 for 1 special.
Welcome his girlfriend into your home so she'll want to spend time there. Have her over for dinner. I'm a strong proponent of if you feed them they wil come. A DVD and a bowl of popcorn in the living room while Mom is in the kitchen is much cheaper than going out. When the weather is nice allow them a private barbecue in the back yard. Roasting hot dogs and making smores over a barbecue is fun. Have a CD player back there so they can dance to music (not to loud or too late). You can pop in on them once or twice if you are worried about hanky panky, but just the fact that you are around should slow them down. Give them enough privacy that they don't feel spied on or they will want to go elsewhere.
If the girl is interested in the relationship and not the "trappings" of dating, this type of romance and the listening and getting to know each other that goes on with these types of dates will be what she wants.
Robin
April 16th, 2006 at 09:55 pm 1145224535
April 17th, 2006 at 02:28 am 1145240907
Great suggestions. We do live on the coast and they do go surfing quite a bit. They do spend a lot of time at our house and at hers. They do tend to go dutch quite a bit. She comes from a wealthy family but she seems pretty well adjusted and isnt spoiled. She has financial limits placed on her. I think once he has a set amount of money and has to make choices on how to spend it, he will settle down a bit and I won't have to feel like I have no control over the amount of money he gets/needs/wants